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Question: I'm suppose to write an opening paragraph for a story in language arts class, what do you think of it?
(Posted by: JDB on 2010-03-15 16:14:00)
It has to have a fantasy spin, have the use of "magic ", be set in our world, and be appeasing to all religions, but the protagonist has to be a specific religion. It is suppose to be written in first person. He is a 15 year old christian. Please tell me the mistakes I made. "When the world was created, by whoever or whatever you see fit, the world was given an invisible energy that can be influenced with one's mind. This much we know. My name is J... well, that's not important right now, what is however is that I tell you about mages. Almost every normal person in the world doesn't know of our existence. We don't reside in some magical fantasy world, but on this earth. We can channel the energy around with our mind to have desired outcomes, this is then called magik. Approximately 30 people each year are born a mage. There are two factions that reign the powers of magik, the people like me who use it for good, and the people who use it for evil. We who use it for good are in the Alliance, while people who use it for evil reside in the Guild. The Guild members mostly made up of necromancers that have made deals with evil forces to achieve greater power. " That's all I got so far, tell me what you think. And I meant to spell magic wrong. |
